“No! It’s mine.”
Out of nowhere I heard the loud shout. “It’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine’. I was shocked at the screams of greed. Where was it coming from? Surprised I heard it come from my own heart. The tug-o-war was on. Selfishness showed strength at the start, but soon it was losing its grip. Shamefully the battle was between me and the Lord. Or so I thought. I noticed He never picked up the other end of the rope. I was fighting and losing without His pull. This wasn’t meant to be a fight. And it wasn’t a game. It was a challenge to trust.
I looked into my wallet. Twenties filled it. I pulled one out. I felt the Lord’s presence near. I knew what was coming. His voice echoed in my ear.
All of it.
All of it, Lord? This is crazy. With His presence near I allowed my will to break. Something was happening in my spirit and I couldn’t ignore it. I looked again in my wallet. I knew what I must do. Like ripping a band aid off a wound I quickly grabbed the cash and walked to the offering bowl.
Approaching the collection plate for an anonymous family in need of food, a little hand tugged at me. I looked down and saw the face of a little girl. “Can I put it in?” she asked. Caught off guard by this strange request, I handed her the money believing the Lord sent courage to me in the form of this young child.
Back at my seat my head spun, overwhelmed by the last few minutes. To my surprise the Lord was not done. I heard His voice just as intensely as the first time,
Share what you’ve done.
I looked up at the pastor who encouraged testimonies from the microphone. My heart fluttered. ‘I can’t do this, Lord’. As familiar as I was with public speaking, it was never without a thoughtfully prepared script. Quickly my brain started to process to give reason to what happened, yet before I could engage my thoughts Holy Spirit wiped everything clear.
Through tears and an unscripted spiel I confessed to the congregation my selfishness and decision to trust Him with everything—even money. Shaking, I took my seat again. The service concluded and soon after felt an ease in my spirit. I was able to catch my breath and decide it was all worth it.
But God wasn’t done yet.
This time He was speaking to another woman.
Before I ever left the sanctuary a woman approached me. Stretching her hand out to me she said, “The Lord said this is for you.” I looked at what was in her grip. It was an envelope–a thick envelope. It all began to click. I took a step back. “No” was all I could say. I was in shock. Why would this woman give up money to feed her family? That’s crazy. Convinced she had heard from God she did not relent. As stubborn as this woman was she had an unwavering trust in God.
That night I stood in my kitchen with my well stocked pantry holding an envelope stuffed with money. Guilt washed over me. If only I had known the family was present I would have never shared. The night was filled with regret. What I thought was a journey of trusting God, now led me to doubting His ways. Why Lord? Why did any of this happen?
The next day my husband woke me out of my depression. He had since learned the church filled the family’s pantry with food. This relieved me, but I was still stuck with an insane responsibility to do something “good” with this money. I was lost in my thoughts as my husband chattered excitedly about a seminar. “What are you talking about?” I finally asked.
My husband connected the dots.
A month earlier he came across an organization for speakers and writers. A seminar was scheduled up north and he believed it would be beneficial to God’s purpose in my life. It was an impossible idea. We had zero money to chase after dreams. Not to mention intentionally pursuing my dream translated into a life of taking risks, which meant possible failure. No, I preferred comfort and predictability. The only way I could appease my husband’s excitement was to suggest if God wants me there, He will provide the money.
The envelope held the very amount we needed—plus gas money for the trip.
Apparently, God wanted me there.
A few days later I sat in the company of other writers and speakers for a three day seminar. Wouldn’t you know it—it changed my life. It single handedly launched me further into my destiny and deepened my trust in the Lord in exponential ways.
Who knew giving my all would be multiplied and returned to me? Who knew my public confession would become a marker moment in my journey? Who knew a needy family would guide me to my future? Who knew I would grow weary of comfort and predictability? Who knew a desire would birth to risk for the sake of others. Who knew?
He knew. He knew all along.
Are you willing to take a risk to pursue God’s purpose in your life?
Trust Him. He will not disappoint.
This blog is dedicated to the relentless woman who invested into my destiny.
Thank you CLASSeminars who facilitated the Lord’s great work in me. www.classeminars.org
Post your comment here and be entered to win an autographed copy Kathi Lipp’s new book The ME Project. It’s all about pursuing your God given dream.
Deadline to enter is midnight PST on Sunday, March 13, 2011
Winner will be posted in Comment section under this blog on Monday, March 14th