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{Journal writing is messy, raw and vulnerable. This post comes from my journal dated January 17, 2012, but it might as well have been this morning. No changes were made in order to keep it authentic and unpolished. The woman I reference here is found in scripture in Luke 8 and Matthew 9. I still envy her today}

Longing.

It hits my heart. No—it hits my soul every morning.

Longing.

Wanting.

What is it I long for?

Why is the wanting aching in my very being?

If I am wanting…

Is it because I am lacking?

And what am I without?

Him.

Always Him.

Why did He have to leave…when I need Him now?

Why did she get to look into His eyes?

And He touched her face, cupped it in His hands. And looked deeply through her eyes into her very soul. She could see Him. Feel Him. Cling to Him. Oh how I long to cling to Him. To see Him with my own eyes, to feel the caress of His hands on my face.

Lord, I know You left a gift—Holy Spirit.

But I need You.

I need You Jesus. To hold me. I feel as though my soul is crumbling into a thousand pieces and only this skin wrapped around me is keeping it from bursting with heartache.

And yet it is this very flesh wrapped so tightly around me that imprisons my soul. I can not escape—my soul is not freed to be at rest and live within this prison of bondage.

Oh God…

I am wanting…

You

To hold me together.

To keep me from crumbling—

Leaking,

Hurting,

Bleeding on others.

She at least could touch You. She could feel the hem of Your robe between her fingers. Oh Lord if I can’t see Your eyes today…

If I can’t feel the touch of your hands wiping the tears away…

Can I please just touch Your robe…

Please, Lord. It’s all I ask.

~

Thank you for grace on the journey. ~L

What is your soul crying out for?

Here or somewhere…be real. Share your journey.

~

Relevant Music {grateful for readers who send me music that “fits”}

One Touch by Nicole C. Mullen

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